To Leave Father and Mother

The dream of every kid in his fourteens is to leave home already. That reminds me that the most common phrase I used to use with my mom when I was 14 was “I can’t wait to leave home so I can live my life my way.” Now, in my 24, I feel home like home. That’s a good thing. But at the same time is a potential problem for my life.

I love my parents. They are my heroes, my inspiration. They have sacrificed too much so I could live the life I’m living now. And they are getting old. Sometimes I wonder who will take care of them when they enter elderly age. My middle brother is building his life in the States, and my little brother is still a pre-teen. As the old one, I took that responsibility in my mind. My biggest fear is to lose them early, and I don’t want to be held accountable because of my own negligence.

Here enters fear of getting married and start my own family.

I presented these thoughts to my mother, and she laughed in my face. She encouraged me to forget about them. Yes. She encouraged me to forget about her and dad. I got shocked: I don’t want to forget about my parents when they get older! I want to take care of them and to provide for their needs when they are unable to work anymore. How can a son forget their parents?

She saw through the smoke curtain: “Gabe, I know that your concern is genuine, but do you feel easy in this comfort bubble? Do you want to stay the way you live, with no responsibilities, with no sacrifice for others? Do you want to get married? Because if you do, you need to “forget” about us one day.”

Man, she is right.

God set things pretty straight forward when He introduced Eve to Adam. Well, Adam had no natural parents, but even thou God set the rules clear:

²⁴ This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. (Genesis 2:24, NLT)

When a man finds the bones of his bones and the flesh of his flesh, he resolves to start his own life. When a man finds his suitable help, he decides to provide for himself and his wife and stops relying on his parents. When a man finds a woman, he becomes one with that woman. A new family is born. That’s spiritual; it transcends all social, mental, behavioral ways of thinking. Sadly, what’s happening these days is completely the opposite: We see 30-somethings everywhere, still living with their parents and taking no initiative about their lives and future. We see men acting like teens, with no strength to go outside the family household to start from scratch. We see men, completely in love with their girls, but with no backbone to work and to grind to provide for a marriage. They want to get married, but they still don’t understand what it means to actually get married.

We still need a lot of relational education, because getting married is not just a ceremony. People still believe it is a fairy tale. Well, it is. Marriage is beautiful, but is a constant fight against the enemy and our own sin. We learn how to live within a marriage, by observing other marriages, other people. We are in a disadvantage if we were raised in a one-parent household, or if we didn’t lived with our parents. But we have so many good examples around us: we have our pastors, our leaders, our elders, our older friends who are striving to live a godly life. We have so many mirrors on which we can see ourselves and to try to imitate the good things, because we need to learn how to get away from the family comfort and press on the goal of marriage: Serve society as a family whom reflect Christ and the Church and the Glory of God.

Men want to get the girl, but they don’t want to get maturity. Women want to get married, but they don’t want to get the right attitude. Maybe we are still single not because God has someone special in our lives (Please stop that freaking cliché), but because we are still acting like inmature kids.

Concerning the concern: I know that a lot of you have the same thoughts I had: “My parents are old, and I need to provide for them.” “I can’t leave them yet, I can’t get married.”

Boys and girls: Yes you can.

Because provision doesn’t depend on you. Our parents’ provision depends on the Lord. He cares for the elder, the widow and the orphan (Isaiah 46:4, Deut. 10:18, Psalms 68:5).  If he cares for the sparrows and the lilies, he will take care of our parents (Matthew 6:25-30). Besides, the fact we get married doesn’t take away the responsibility we have of honoring our parents in any way possible. God commends the care we give our parents in their old ages. We as married couples can become God’s ordinary way of provision for our old folks (Mark 7:10-12).

So, trust God, and if you are still afraid, get courage from the One who tells you to trust Him in every process of your life. And yes, if you can, and if you are called to, GET FREAKING MARRIED, and trust that God will take care of your parents. They will celebrate your wedding more than you do. (Maybe they are tired of having you home :p)