To the young Christian man struggling with Porn

I know.

I know it hurts, and I know it feels like you can’t get out of it.

I know how that search for love and care keeps you enticed and deceived. I know God’s love and grace is all you need, but you still look for ‘something else’. I know that there is still a “micro-chip” inside your head that I don’t know how is still there. I know that you have natural and completely good physical and emotional needs that normally are satisfied with sex, but you are still single, or you haven’t married that girl yet. And you don’t want to sin against God anymore in that topic! I know that sometimes we don’t search for porn; it comes to us. I know that you have read all the bazillion articles written about how to battle porn, and even memorized some. I know that you have bought that Covenant Eyes or that X3 App. I know that you are in constant communication with brothers, leaders and elders about your condition. I know you are guarding your eyes on the street.

But you failed. Again.

You clicked that banner. You fell for that chatbot. You saw something that is usually a mental trigger and you didn’t run away from it. You ran over other person’s computer to kill the anxiety.

Maybe you felt lonely at the moment. Maybe you felt unappreciated, casted aside, angry. Maybe people wasn’t giving you attention, neither caring for your needs. Maybe you felt bored. And you bit the bait.

Now you feel miserable.

You know it is a disease. You know the physical, mental and spiritual effects it costs to you. But you keep failing over and over and it pisses you off. It enrages you. The worst: you feel you are completely alone, you feel that there is no recovery from that and you feel God doesn’t love you anymore because of your constant failure.

But you are not alone, you will snap out of it, and God still loves you with everlasting love.

The apostle Peter confirms that you are not alone in this. There are thousands of brothers going on the same process as you are going through:

Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. (1^st. Peter 5:9)

My mom used to tell me: “To rejoice in a common evil, is the consolation of the fool”. To know you are not alone in the battle against porn, is not reason to be happy. But it is at the same time, because now you know that there have been men who have finally won the battle against porn. There are men out there, with more experience than you that can help you and pray for you. We are praying for you! There is an army of men who are praying for you. We are praying for your deliverance. We are praying for a revival of your love for God. We are praying for discipline and Grace from God and a covering of the Holy Spirit over you, constantly. The Church is no place for judgment for the porn user. It is the place for recovery and spiritual awakening. The Church is FULL of men who struggled, are still struggling and (sadly) will struggle with porn. Therefore, you can trust. You can open up and confess your sins in the Church. Remember:

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16)

If you are a Christian, you are not an experiment. God is not using you as a Guinea Pig to try and fail sinning and repentance and sinning again. You are a beautiful work in process (even if you don’t see yourself like one.)

⁶ And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6, emphasis added.)

Pray for that certainty. Pray for that trust in that promise. Don’t you believe that God has transformed men despite their sins? Don’t you believe that God is completely able to make beauty from the ashes? At the end of the day, it matters when we sin. But…when God is doing something great, does it matter, really? The doors of Hell will not prevail against God’s work in the lives of His children, and you are one of His.

The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked. (Prov. 24:16)

God has not given up on you. You see it in the mercy He bestows on you every day. You see it in the way you can repent when you sin. Repentance comes from Him! He is giving you a new start every morning!

Looking at those promises, do you still believe God doesn’t love you?

God is hurt when we sin. Of course He is. He wants His children to walk in the light as He is light, but He knows we are dust. He knows we have the law of sin in our flesh and we do what we don’t want to do (Romans 7). But remember His love:

⁸ But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Rom. 5:8, emphasis added.)

We were still sinners when He loved us. He definitely loved us first. His promises are supported by His love. His redemption is supported by His love. His work in your life is supported by His love. Christ’s Cross was supported by His love. How can we say He doesn’t love us, when He Himself is Love Himself? Because of that, He is with you in every step you take. He will guide you and discipline you.

After all of this, I know you could say that you know all these things. But you are still failing. This is my final advice: rest in His Grace, because His Grace is enough for you (2^nd. Cor. 12:9). Stop fighting against porn by your own terms: there is no John Piper’s podcast that will change your mind and heart. There is no super app or device that is going to stop the craving in your brain. There is no no-looking mechanism that is going to make you stop looking other women with lust. It is only His Grace.

Pursue it. Crave it. Look for it. Wait for it in the mornings. Pray for it. Fight for it. His Grace. Nothing else. His Grace is the one that will give you the discipline you need, and equip you to do what you have to do. His Grace, only in Jesus Christ.

So lift up your head and get out of the Guilt Train. Confess your sin to God and other brothers. Keep walking in the path God made for you knowing He is still working in your life, and be aware of His Love for you, which is deep and eternal. 

There is a way out. We will defeat pornography.

A man like you, who sins and repents and fights against porn like you.