To the Christian Young Woman struggling with Pornography

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you are becoming part of a scary statistic that is rising like diet soda and Mentos.

I'm sorry you got caught in the crossfire of lies and more lies.

I'm sorry we (men) couldn't warn you before.

I'm sorry, in behalf of all men, because we put you women in this position since day one, making you pose for us, for our own satisfaction, not caring at all about what you think or feel.

I can't even imagine what it's like to be a woman struggling with pornography. I only can see it from my perspective; I'm a man, and I'm sexual. I'm not saying that women doesn't have physical needs, but I'm aware you are more relational than physical, regarding sex. I can't even imagine the pressure and the shame you feel, in order to confess that sin to elders, leaders and significant ones. I can't imagine the mix of feelings in your head trying to figure out what to do with your desires, feelings and thoughts.

You may be asking yourself: How did I get here? What was I looking for?

Maybe you were looking for that love you long for so bad. Maybe you are trying to fill in for that acceptance you crave. Maybe you look for "wisdom" in order to keep a person by your side. Maybe you are considering it an alternative of life. Maybe you are trying to find your sexual identity by your own. Maybe...maybe it was a consequence of abuse. Maybe you did it because you were hurt. Maybe you did it for vengeance. Maybe you were curious.

And you fell. And it feels disgusting.

You may feel like, no man would like to marry you. You may think of yourself as a rotten woman.

You may think of yourself as a disgrace.

But you are loved. Even if you feel unworthy. You are forgiven. You are accepted.

You are loved and cared by a God who shows His mercy over you every day:

³ Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. (Jeremiah 31:3)

When men see you only as a sexual object; God loves you just the way you are. You are created as a co-heir of the Grace of God (1st. Peter), and bearer of the Image of God.

I want you to realize the way those women in the adult industry are treated and think about this premise: Porn users become the reflection of what they see. Men become animals, women become preys. And it is freaking wrong! No daughter of God is deserving of that treatment. Porn won't ever substitute any broken human relationship; porn won't ever heal a broken heart; porn won't ever repair a broken trust, neither replace a stolen innocence. And God knows that. Even when you feel all alone, you are more loved that you ever think you are. So come to the arms of the Father. He will cleanse you with His Love. 

A lot of people actually believe they can't get out of the addiction and that they are beyond forgiveness. I try to put myself in a lady's shoes concerning porn use, and I want to scream. The shame, disappointment and broken dreams can be overwhelming. But we tend to forget that we serve the God who came to serve the sick. We forget that Jesus came as the Good Doctor, to heal the ill. The healthy don't need doctor. The failures, the outcasts, the ones who keep failing and falling, those are the ones who need the Lord, and those are the ones Jesus comes close to:

15:1 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. ² This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!...⁷ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away! (Luke 15:1-2;7)

Do you think you are dirty enough so God's grace and power is not? Don't fool yourself and don't underestimate God's Grace. You are actually sinning by thinking that way... He died for you in order to forgive you of your sins against God (sins past, present and future), and to present your slate clean in front of the Father.

Who am I to s***-shaming you? Who am I to look down at you as a bad woman? We are all sinners, and we make mistakes. We are human. God knows we are dust. Men lust other women. Women gossip between each other. Self-righteous people judge others like if they were untouchable. Those are just little examples of how life turn around, and we can't point the finger on any of you, just because you are dealing with a sin like porn:

8 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, ² but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. ³ As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

⁴ “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
⁶ They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. ⁷ They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” ⁸ Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
⁹ When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. ¹⁰ Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
¹¹ “No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1-11)

Church history tells us about that woman: She was Mary Magdalene. She became a follower of Jesus and a leader of the First Church. Jesus reentered her into communion with God, loving her, forgiving her, and accepting her, despite her sin.

Like I told the boys, porn is not forever, and the children of God will snap out of by His grace alone. But I know this is a delicate topic between the ladies. So, if you are actually struggling with it, please run toward a godly female leader or a godly female mentor for help. This is no game to play with. And remember: you are worthy of real love. You are worthy of forgiveness, doesn't matter how low you are, and you are accepted, by God and by the Church. 

I'm sorry, again. But I pray that you can be free from it, and enjoy real life, real love, real sex (when its time comes), real trust, real intimacy, real innocence, real joy in God and life. 

We will defeat porn.


A man who is fighting the good fight and hates to see you like that