Examine Yourself

The Bible tells us very clearly that the Spirit tells our spirit that we are children of God. It has to be amazing to experience the greatest assurance of love and belonging a human soul can ever feel in his heart. And you know when it happens: When we believe, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit right away, and He starts to change us and to lead us into all truth. We start to be transformed from the inside out: we start to love the things we used to hate and we start hate the things we used to love. We get new affections, new motivations, and above all we learn how to love God and love others the right way.

There’re a lot of feelings and experiences involved in the life of a new Christian and we tend to forget them as time pass. Our worship life become shallow, superficial, empty, monotone, simplistic, habitual; to the point of living our so called “Christian life” as a schedule appointment, not as a living relationship with a Living God and a Resurrected Savior.

Or even worse: Maybe we have been doing all these Christianese mumbo-jumbo out of pretending, because we haven’t been transformed at all!

We know something’s wrong. What do we do?

The apostle Paul tells us in 2^nd. Corinthians 13:5 these sobering words:

⁵ Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. (2 Cor. 13:5)

“To see if your faith is genuine”.

Since I confessed Jesus as my Savior and Lord (these two words always need to go together), I’ve been the type of believer with little faith. I still struggle hardly with this as I walk the walk, and see my own sins being presented to me. My greatest nightmare is to wake up in front of the Throne, and being said: “I NEVER KNEW YOU. Depart from Me, you who practiced lawlessness”. I’ve always been struggling with the knowledge of the person of Jesus Christ and I thank God that with time, I’ve been understanding and loving more and more of Him. But still is not enough. I still struggle with sins I thought I left behind. I still want to live certain aspects of a worldly life and rejoice over it. Every time I hear other believers rejoice in the love and grace of their Lord and Savior and how they rest in the ASSURANCE of His Salvation, I tremble. “How could it be that I haven’t felt that yet?” “Am I a false Christian?” “Am I self-deceived?” “Do I really believed for salvation in Jesus Christ?”

These questions haunt me all day, all night.

Being honest with you, right now, I’m in that position. The most of the time, I’m looking for an “instant ramen grace” or a “microwave God’s-Presence-experience”. The most of the time, I don’t look for the presence of God as earnestly as before. The most of the time, I don’t pray as long as before. I don’t read the Bible as purposely as before. The most of the time, I’m looking for my own satisfaction. The most of the time, I love pleasure more than I love God. The most of the time, I fight for more me-time, instead of denying myself and giving God some God-time. The most of the time, I hate the very same brothers and sisters I’m commanded to love despite everything. The most of the time, I rather do anything I hate in order to not serve God with a willing heart.

The funny thing is: I read the Bible every day, I pray every day, I tithe at church the ten percent of my salary every month, I attend the weekly meetings every week, I testify to unbelievers, I teach sometimes in the youth group, I used to be in the worship ministry, I give to the poor, I do this, I do that….

FOR WHAT?

Weren’t the Pharisees like me? Aren’t a lot of nominal Christians like me? They do the same. And they are deceived. Am I deceived as them? Do I really have a relationship with Jesus Christ, despite anything?

The Christian life is not about what I change on the outside, but the INSIDE. It is not about how good I live a moral life, but how I OBEY the Word of God in order to live that moral life. It is not how good I stick into the discipline of a church, but how I SURRENDER to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It is not about how pretty I talk, but how righteous I LIVE. It is not about living righteous because I want to go to Heaven, it is about living righteous because I’m THANKFUL for God’s work in me.

In the reality of my heart, I’m still lying, lusting, hating, deceiving, slacking, self-loving, mocking, disappointing, gossiping, disrespecting; sinning. I’m still in the flesh and I can’t help but cry out for help. Only God in His Grace can save me from myself, but it’s my responsibility to test myself, because if I fail, thank God I still have time to repent and surrender: God hasn’t killed me yet.

So today is salvation day, even for us who claim to be Christians but have doubts. Let us remember that Jesus came to save the lost, to heal the sick. Let us go toward Him as we are: exactly like that. Let us feel the abrasive feel of the question over your mind and ask ourselves: “Am I really a Christian?” “Do I really love Jesus?” “Which ones are my motivations?”

Self-examination is a spiritual discipline too. If you believe you don’t need to examine your heart, maybe you need it more than all of us.

Examine Yourself.