When You Have to Decide

I’m in a crossroad now: there are two girls. Same bubbling and exciting personality, they both are sensitive and caring, they both love the Lord with all their hearts. Both are funny as hell. They both want to be mothers. They even share the same name! The only difference between them is: the package. One of them is a big size girl. The other is petite and skinny.

And here we go with the fast-pace rant: I’ve always loved skinny girls. That’s my type of woman. But, I feel like the big douchebag of the story now, because, I don’t want to choose one over other just because of guilt or ego: I don’t want to choose Shorty over Biggie because I would be biased, and I would be rejecting a good girl just because of her size and habits. I don’t want to choose Biggie over Shorty, because I don’t want to be driven by guilt of choosing Shorty over Biggie because of my biased POV about Biggie’s size and habits. Or just because Shorty is hot. (And this is why I’m still single, and WILL STAY single until I figure my heart out, folks.)

This post is not about my choice. It is about God’s will.

We have a great example in the book of 1^st. Samuel, chapter 16: the anointment of lil’David. The prophet Samuel got into Jesse’s house and seeks for the new king of Israel. And he sees Eliab, the oldest. I assume the dude was ripped, ready for war, handsome guy. The prophet got impressed by his standard. He got impressed by what he saw. Enter God:

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1^st. Samuel 16: 7, NTV, emphasis added.)

We, men, are experts judging women by their looks. We Christian men are experts doing the same. We tend to despise the chubby sister, the not-so-stunning daughter of God, the Christian girl of color, the “weirdo” of the triangle in the band, just because she doesn’t fill our expectations. I’m nobody to tell you that you have to get with a girl you don’t like; hell no. I’m in favor of attraction and chemistry. But if you have that chemistry and attraction with a big girl, bro: what’s the big deal? (That’s a question I’m asking myself now.) What if it is actually God’s will that I get married with a woman that doesn’t care about fitness and health as much as I care? What if it is God’s will that I get married with a woman that will have problems with obesity for the rest of her life? What if I get married with a woman, that doesn’t fulfill my beauty standards? This is a great way to work into my sanctification as a husband, as a father and as a brother in Christ, toward her and toward other women. This is a matter of courage and honesty in our hearts, folks. We gotta man up with our feelings.

There are some movements between people on the internet: The “Skinny girls are for wimps” movement, The “Curvy is not the same as Fat” movement, The “Empower Fat Girls” movement, and several other flavors. This is not about forcing your way into others, this is about loving people. We gotta love people if they are fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, it doesn’t matter. I try to be balanced: There are a lot of big girls that look amazingly stunning, and they take care of themselves. Not my style but I appreciate them! And there are a lot of skinny girls that sadly, are slaves of anorexia and other food related illnesses.

At the end of the day: It’s all about God’s glory in displaying unconditional love, grace and mercy toward our baby mamas, the same way Jesus displays those same attributes into the Church. It actually matters how she looks, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t at all. I'm gonna keep both as good friends, and I'm gonna pray and ask for discernment. And I know that God will always lead those who fear Him to the right path to walk, and toward the right girl to choose; ain't matter if skinny or biggie.