Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy: The reality of sexual fantasies

Men have the capability to literally put our minds in blank. That’s a gift I thank God so much sometimes. I like the feel of nothingness in my head. But that’s not the case the most of the times with us. Sometimes we let fantasy fill our head and get us to other realms of distant pleasure and experiences. And I’m not talking precisely of unicorns and stuff…

Sexual fantasies are a normal mental trigger into human minds, especially in men. They work as an outlet (as wet dreams), as a turn-up (while thinking in your wife), or just as a physical reaction to stimuli. Let’s put some things clear: sexual fantasies are not wrong. God created the human being in such a complex and amazing way, and He gave us the miracle of sex and sexual pleasure to enjoy it. God is the Master of Sex, and He created us to have it. But men have a big problem indulging into them and dwelling in them. Because of our sinful nature, sexual fantasies become the Christian dude’s enemy:  Where do those fantasies carry our minds?  What are our fantasies about? With whom do we fantasize?  Are we relying on those fantasies for pleasure, happiness and sexual fulfillment, instead of God and our wives (if we have them)?

When sexual fantasies start, they get dudes to the moment and place when they want to be, and because of that, they detach them from our reality. Sexual fantasies create in our mind an unrealistic take into sexual foreplaying, sexual intercourse and even the interaction between you and the person you love, while having sex. And we as men need to be very careful with that.

Our Lord Jesus said something pretty radical and clear in his teachings: If you look lustfully to another woman to desire her, you have committed adultery in your heart. (Matt. 5:28) That’s some hot sauce for you! People would say: I’m not looking at nobody! But the reality is that they are getting on in your heart. Sexual fantasies can lead men to desire a woman that is not theirs (another friend’s wife or a girl is not their wife yet). Sexual fantasies can lead men to perpetuate into prostitution and similar vices. Sexual fantasies can lead men to pornography (any kind), incest, rape, S&M, homosexuality and other sexual practices that are not the standard neither God’s desire of sexual experience for humankind.

Why do men like to get lost into sexual fantasies?

As someone who also has his own problems with indulging, I clearly can say that men indulge into that practice, because they have found their joy into thinking about that. Men who rely on sexual fantasies haven’t put all their trust, joy and ultimate satisfaction in God.

Sounds harsh and radical, right? Let me explain why: When we receive Christ, we are FREED from the BONDAGE of SIN. We are not sin’s slaves anymore. We don’t need to live only for sinning, like the unbeliever does. We have the freedom to choose if we sin or not. If we are Christ’s we have the privilege to get closer and closer to the throne of grace and ask for the strength and the grace to fight and defeat sexual immorality in our lives. So, we need to understand that those who practice sin, will not inherit the kingdom of God, and ultimately had shown their true allegiance. That being said, if we indulge and practice the mental state of sexual fantasies, we are saying that we don’t want to live in purity. We are saying that we don’t need God to be our Main Source of happiness, pleasure and joy. We are saying that we need sex to be fulfilled. We are saying that it doesn’t matter who I think about, I DESERVE satisfaction with that person. We are saying that we don’t value the person we are thinking about, because we are “using” her as the object of our craving. We are saying that marriage is not worth waiting. We are saying that pursuing a spouse with patience, purity and kindness is a waste of time….

We are saying that sex is our god.

We as men have the responsibility and the great command of living a holy life. We are commanded to think in all the pure, honest, praise-worthy, just, lovely, kind, of good name things around us (Fil. 4:8). We are called to put on the helmet of salvation over our heads (Eph. 6:17). We are called to flee from sexual immorality (which starts in our minds) (1 Cor. 6:18). We are called to channel our natural and God-given stronger sexual drive into the energy and desire to pursue God, ministry, missions, service and self-sacrifice (Matt. 6:31). We are called to freaking SELF-CONTROL! (Gal. 5:23). We are called to something greater than our already big desire to get laid all the time.

As I pointed out, I don’t want to point my finger against those men who are fighting, because I would be the greatest hypocrite of all time. I battle hardly with the indulging every day, and I’m praying for each and every one who is standing up. But I do want to point out the permission of that lifestyle in our lives. We have to declare the war on those thoughts, if they are outside our marriage. We need to declare the war on those thoughts if they are illicit and degrading to our wives (if we are married). We need to declare war on those thoughts if they are offending other women, while undressing them with our minds. They are not objects. They are co-heirs of grace and they bear the Imago Dei too.

Fantasy or reality, we are the ones with the biggest body-count in this war, and we cannot win by ourselves. Fantasy or reality, sexual fantasies are as real as you consider them vital for you. There is no Land of Oz of Sex, but we can get closer to that thanks to love, patience and real trust and intimacy with our beloved one inside the protective ring of marriage. There, we can unleash our minds freely to run with our bodies.